Dear Mr Lee,

First off, thank you for the speech that you had made at the National Day Rally 2012 (NDR12). I have also given my two cents worth on an online discussion on theonlinecitizen’s Facebook page. I believe in the overarching vision that you had described and I hope that it will come true – for a Singapore where we can learn to be happy, compassionate and caring. I want to give the government another chance to make it work, so I sincerely hope that the government will make good the things that it had said it would look into.

After the NDR12, further discussion had occurred online, some of which I believe are valid discussions which the government needs to take into account in the long-term planning, and I would argue that this should be done much sooner, than later. Singaporeans are starting to take part in the National Conversation and I hope that the government will listen and act on them responsibly.

At the NDR12, PM Lee had shared that to encourage Singaporeans to have more babies, the government will look into encouraging work-life balance, letting couples with children have housing priority, catering for paternity leave and by raising pre-school standards and keeping it affordable. These are small steps in the right direction.

PM Lee’s Proposals Did Not Touch Singaporeans

However, in a poll conducted by Channel NewsAsia, which asked if PM Lee’s suggestions would encourage Singaporeans to have more children, an overwhelming 94% said no.

(Photo credit: theonlinecitizen’s Facebook page)

PM Lee’s suggestions had somehow not manage to hit the right spot. It did not tackle what Singaporeans were truly concerned about. There are some disclaimers, of course – the survey might not be representative of what all Singaporeans think in general and the government has yet to laid out clear plans as to what PM Lee’s suggestions will translate into.

However, 94% is not something to be looked upon lightly. PM Lee’s suggestions were not wide ranging enough to cater to our needs.

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The Barrett Values Centre and aAdvantage Consulting had conducted a survey among 2,000 Singapore residents to ask them to pick the top 10 values and behavioural traits that they think best described the Singapore society today and what we we would like our society to be.

The top value that Singaporeans think about ourselves is being kiasu. We also feel that we are competitive and self-centred, among others.

Academics interviewed thought that there was nothing bad about Singaporeans being kiasu. Dr Leong Chan-Hoong, of the Institute of Policy Studies, was quoted by The Straits Times, to have said that being kiasu is a “manifestation” of our value of “achievement-orientation”. Paulin Straughan, of the National University of Singapore, thinks that we would “happily say we are kiasu” and that she isn’t “sure if it is necessarily a reflection of how negative we are on ourselves.”

I am not sure what the rest of Singaporeans think. Do you agree? When we call out to someone – “he or she is kiasu” – do we mean it in a positive and happy sense? 

The thing is we have never really had an open conversation about what being kiasu means. We have mostly accepted the idea that we are kiasu and live with it, even if we are happy or unhappy about it. We have come to accept being kiasu as part of being Singaporean.

According to the Singlish Dictionary, kiasu refers to “one who is afraid to lose out to someone else, often to the point of selfishness; an over-cautious person” and also being ”afraid of losing out to someone else, and therefore often behaving selfishly and disregarding others.” Based on this definition, is selfishness and a disregard for others something that we should be think positively and be happy about? I am not too sure. I am curious as to what Singaporeans really think, and not what these “experts” have been quoted as saying. It almost feels contrived once again.

Actually, the best way to understand whether being kiasu is good or bad is to look at the effects. 

As the experts have pointed out, being kiasu does have its benefits. Because we are kiasu, we constantly strive for the best for our children and we want them to go to a good school. Because our government leaders are kiasu, they have developed the Singapore economy to one which gives Singapore the highest GDP per capita in the world and we are consistently and continuously ranked  number one in surveys and rankings across the globe. More humourously, we would queue for hours to buy the Hello Kitty soft toy at McDonalds – who can forget that!

At the same time, we have also started complaining about what being kiasu has made of us. Because we are kiasu, we want our children to go to the best schools, we would volunteer for the schools deemed good years before our children need to start primary school education and get upset that in spite of the volunteering, the children still don’t get into the schools. We put our children through hours of tuition and write to the forum to share about the stresses of doing so and plead to the Ministry of Education to reduce the stresses of our children. We would ask teachers not to give allow another student, whom we felt would pose a challenge to our kid, a place in the same CCA – this I hear from someone is prevalent in some schools. We become upset that even though our child scores an A for his subject, it’s not more than 90%. We blame the system for causing us to be kiasu – if our child doesn’t score 4As for his or her ‘A’ Levels, he or she will not be able to enter a local university. How do our children feel though?

At work, because we are kiasu, we strive to want to do better than our colleagues, so we take their ideas as our own, and we “backstab” them so that we will be able to be in our bosses’ favour. We accept this as being part of the work culture, get upset over it and complain to others, then do the same thing back to others, because we think – since we are already subjected to it, why not just do it to someone else since this is what everyone else does anyway?

Of course, being kiasu also means that because we are scared to lose, we become more competitive. It is in the government’s interest to groom a population which is kiasu and they know they have to start young – which is why they have made the school environment one which is so focused on winning – rankings, medals and whatnot – so that we will are taught from young to be kiasu, and competitive, that by the time we start work, this “work ethic” is ingrained in our DNA, such that we will continue to strive for economic growth. The government will necessarily want to encourage Singaporeans to be kiasu because of the perceived benefit that it has for the economy.

Already, from the illustrations shown here, we can see that being kiasu has caused unnecessary emotional and psychological stresses and has caused certain moral degradation to our characters. We have also learnt to accept these as necessary, real and the norm.

If we look at the Singaporean society, we have learnt not to give up seats to the elderly and pregnant ladies on the trains. How many times have examples been sited that when a pregnant lady walks into the train, all of a sudden, everyone looks like they are in various states of sleep? We have learnt not to move into the center of the train because we are worried that we wouldn’t be able to get out, or that people won’t let us squeeze through? Both pedestrians and motorists complain about cyclists being in their way and want cyclists out of their way – which means they would literally have to either carry the bicycles to walk on pavements or to put their bicycles on their cars and drive to walk, which would render bicycles quite useless and the problem solved! The number of people who would petitioned against the government to build a nursing home next to their estate is shocking! There are so many people who worry that the value of their homes will drop, simply because of a nursing home!

One of the values cited in the study as one of the top values of the Singapore society is that Singaporeans are self-centred and this isn’t too far from the truth. And I think at this point, we need to really look at ourselves here. We might not give up our seats now because we are not pregnant and so we won’t understand how a pregnant lady feels – how she has to stand on the train for the next 30 minutes on the way to work, with her legs and back feeling the strain. Yet, when you are 30, and then pregnant, you would expect that someone gives his or her seat up for you, because even if you wouldn’t want to empathise with how the pregnant lady had felt and thus refused giving up your seat, you expect someone else to think about your needs. Why should they? We do not want to give up our seats to the elderly or having a nursing home built next to our block because right now, we are still “young” and thus we choose not to empathise with the needs of the elderly. They can clear the tables at the food court for all I care. Actually, let me rationalise this – you know what, they want to clear the tables. They want a job. They want to be active. Even though they can choose to be active and go for a walk in the park or go for a stroll with their friends, they actually do want to clean the tables because it makes them feel more active. They actually want to touch our saliva on the utensils and the bits of bones that we spit out from our mouths. They actually really want to do that. Because we aren’t old yet. And when we get old, we would want a respectable lifestyle where we can retire and go for a stroll in the park. If we need a nursing home, the government better jolly well build one next to the train station so that my children can still come and visit me and so that I can still go to other places if I need to. It’s all about me. It’s all about us. And let’s admit it, we really think we only about ourselves and until the time comes when we need someone to understand us, we wouldn’t bat an eyelid but to expect them to think about us. And if they don’t we lament the loss of compassion in society, choosing to forget the very lack of care that we have shown for others.

But why do we hold such attitudes? Why have we allowed ourselves to be so inhuman?

I have previously discussed about why Singaporeans have learnt to become kiasu. This is in large part due to the government and the policies that were implemented. Because of past policies, we have learnt to lose our pride and passion and we have learnt to learnt to be self-centred and blame others for our plight, which are also two of the top 10 values highlighted by the survey as what Singaporeans think of our society. The government needs to look into how they can ensure that policies do not inadvertently created a Singapore where selfish needs drive our economy. Already, the government is starting to look at that. Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong had formed a committee to look into this, to be headed by Education Minister Heng Swee Keat. Already, Mr Heng has also introduced the discussion of values into schools, so this is a start.

But what can we do, my fellow Singaporeans?

Perhaps we might say that this is nothing wrong. As quoted by human resources executive Sim Wei Ling, she said that, “many other countries in the world are also achievement-oriented” and in that sense, it is acceptable that Singaporeans are kiasu because everyone else in the world is doing it! But I have seen societies where people show respectable behaviours. In Korea and Japan, you do not sit on the priority seats, even during peak hours, because they are strictly reserved for the elderly and the people show respect for their elderly. Not only that, they show respect for one another as well. In the Nordic countries, those in the lower income brackets are paid a salary that still affords them a living standard that is respectable. The income inequality is narrow because their citizens pride themselves on being equitable societies, where even those considered less well off or fortunate are also treated with respect and value.

In Singapore, we are only starting these conversations. Should there be nearly 300,000 people who are earning less than $1,000 per month? Should the elderly continue to work even if when collecting the trays at food courts, their hands are shaking vigorously? Because we are kiasu, we have learnt to ignored the plight of others as we learn to strive forward for ourselves. Because we are scared to lose, we lose sight of others and trample over others so that we can preserve our economic value. But is this the right thing to do? Many of us are starting to feel it’s not. Many of us are starting to have questions about how we feel might feel empty or lost. Of course we would. When we forget that we live in a larger society where the plight of others also inadvertently affect ours, we stop caring. It creates an emotional void within us.

As we take the conversation forward and as we work with our government to embark on this new chapter for Singapore, we have to ask ourselves this question – what do we want to be as people? We might want to do the best for ourselves but how can we do so without causing our morality to be compromised? How can we do well for ourselves but not hurt others in the process. In fact, how can we do well for others and help others along so that we can progress together?

We have to ask ourselves – how can I learn to understand what the other person is going through and how I can be more understanding and accepting towards the person?

How can I understand that the pregnant lady or the elderly need to have a seat because they are really tired? How can I think beyond myself and realise that I don’t actually feel as tired as they do, and can stand for the next 15 minutes before I reach my stop? Because we have learnt to protect our needs, we think that this 15 minutes of sitting is something we need to protect. How can we learn to let go of our self-protection mentality to be open and respectful to the needs of others?

How can we learn to understand that if a person appears rude, it is not because he or she is rude but because he or she might be autistic and does not have the social skills to manage his or her reactions? How can learn to be empathetic to others and to take our time to understand others?

Because we are in a rush all the time, we forget to take the time to slow down to understand things. How do we learn to take a step back to think?

How do we learn to show compassion to another person because he or she doesn’t mean to do anything to hurt us, and that even if he or she does, we can take a step back to understand and then forgive the person for what is done? How can we not get angry when someone accidentally steps on our shoes at the back and to not turn around to look at the person angrily? How do we learn to stop to not think from a self-protective way but to learn that, you know what, sometimes people might make mistakes, sometimes people don’t mean to do something, so we do not need to get angry at them.

You know what, someone accidentally trips me, it’s ok. It’s an accident. I do not need to think that the person has made me “lose face” and thus I should get angry and stare at the person. It’s ok. Let’s carry on.

You know what, let’s calm down and carry on.

Singapore is embarking on a new chapter. In this new era, we have to decide for ourselves what is the Singapore we want to see. Is it one where because of our self-centred needs, we learn to step over others and hurt others so that we can strive for what we want? Or is it one where we learn to respect and support others and help each other along, even if we continue to strive for ourselves? 

As mentioned, it is in the government’s interest to ensure that there is a vigour of kiasuism among Singaporeans, because of their perceived idea that kiasuism will motivate Singaporeans to strive and work for economic growth. I hope that the government will be able to balance that with the need to grow a caring, compassionate and supportive society. I know that the government knows that this is important because they have reiterated this several times over National Day and I look forward to the way our policies are restructured to account for these values. I would also like to suggest to the government that if we learn to grow the passion of Singaporeans towards what they do, we would not need to rely on kiasuism to motivate them. If Singaporeans are passionate, they will believe in what they do and will have the natural commitment to want to strive and excel. The government needs to give Singaporeans the space to be passionate and to speak up for what they believe in. In the long term, a country where its people have a natural commitment towards the country and what they do will be more sustainable as people continue to believe in and invest in the future. Then, the government won’t have to keep introducing policies to invigorate the people but the people will introduce new opportunities to invigorate the country. 

Dear Fellow Singaporeans and Friends,

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong had recently set up a committee to look into the social and educational issues of Singapore, to look into how we can reconceptualise the beliefs and values that we have for Singapore. This committee will be headed by Education Minister Heng Swee Keat. Some people have questioned the relevance of this committee. They think that focus should be placed on managing the economic, wage and housing issues, among others, which they find more pertinent. I agree with the importance of these issues. But I would also like to share with you why this committee is important for the future of Singapore. Even if we take the government out of the picture, the issues that this committee wants to look into has a definite impact on us, as people.

Many Singaporeans are angry, let’s put this out there. But the question is, why? We have one of the highest standards of living in the world. With the strength of our currency, many Singaporeans can travel to almost any country. This cannot be said about our friends who reside in the neighbouring region. I do not want to draw comparisons as I respect my friends in Malaysia and Thailand but for the sake of this discussion, I hope my friends will allow me to. If you look at a degree holder in Thailand, his starting salary is about 15,000 baht, which is about SS600. For Malaysians, the starting salary is about 1,800 Ringgit, which is about S$700 at the current exchange rate. For Singaporeans, the starting pay is above S$2,000. Yet, we are unhappy. Of course, considering that we have the highest per capita GDP in the world and which is expected to continue to be so until 2050, our starting pay looks necessarily low, as compared to other developed countries in Europe and America where their per capita GDP is lower, yet their average wages are higher. This is something the Singapore government does need to look into – the income inequality is glaring when seen in light of the disparity between the GDP per capita and our average wage.

Yet, it cannot be denied that we have a considerably high standard of living and live in arguably one of the safest countries in the world. The same cannot be said once you cross the causeway. There are many beautiful countries which I have been to, such as South Africa, where in spite of the beauty, you simply cannot afford to walk alone in the quiet streets alone at night. Can your child run away from home and still come home safe the next day? You don’t have to worry, day in, day out, whether he or she is still alive. Yet, Singaporeans are unhappy.

If we look again at when Feng Tianwei had won the individual Bronze medal for Table Tennis for Singapore at the Olympic Games, why was it that Singaporeans questioned her win, instead of celebrate her achievement? My friends, Tianwei has become a symbol of our unhappiness. And the pride that we have forgotten. It wasn’t that Tianwei’s achievement wasn’t worthy of pride. It was because we have forgotten how to be proud, and we are angry because of that.

Naturally, for most people, our initial reaction would be to look to blame someone else for our own unhappiness. The government? Well, we think that we have been criticising them for as long as we can remember, and we continue to feel powerless to get them to change. We think that we are caught in a situation where we might be unhappy with the government, yet we will continue to vote the same team in every elections because we know, logically, that they are our best bet. So, if we cannot blame the government, who should we blame? Our next door neighbour then. My neighbour is inconsiderate, cares only for him or herself and is an irritant in my life. But it isn’t the right thing to be racist or sexist because people no longer do that, so we do it quietly. But we continue to be angry, and we still want to find someone to blame, and someone whom we can talk openly about together. Foreigners! And how convenient. We can blame the foreigners for firstly, they are the byproduct of the government’s policy! And since, we feel that blaming the government won’t change anything, let’s blame the foreigners! And so, we decide that they are inconsiderate, cares only for themselves and are an irritant in our lives. And since everyone else around the world are also blaming foreigners, it feels legitimate to do so. No one is going to chastise us even if we are discriminating because they are doing it too, even if they know it’s not the right thing to do.

Is it fair though? Is it fair to transfer our anger from the government towards foreigners, who have hardly done anything personally to offend us, but who are simply seeking economic opportunities where they are available. Aren’t we similarly seeking economic opportunities as well, if not locally, then abroad, for some of us Singaporeans? Can we tell them off for coming into Singapore for the very same thing that we go into another country to do, or plan or think to do?

You see, if we take a step back, our unhappiness arises not because of the foreigners. If we have higher salaries, if we are able to get the job we want, will we still be unhappy with the foreigners? We wouldn’t care less. But then we wouldn’t be contended, would we? We would continue to want higher salaries etc. But a separate issue is also this – our unhappiness is really directed at the government, and more specifically at some of the policies that the government has implemented. In our memory, the policies which the government had implemented – an overly flexible policy which allows an uncontrolled inflow of migrants, we think, salaries which have not kept pace with inflation, salaries of low wage workers which have been suppressed due to migrant inflow etc – are the policies which should be adjusted. This is rightfully so, and this is something that the government had looked into over the past few months. The changes are as yet insufficient to appease Singaporeans, bearing in mind that they have only taken effect over the past few months. Remember too that the government has to balance any adjustments to the policies to not only take into account Singaporeans’ concerns but also to ensure that there is sufficient labour for new jobs created. They cannot simply reduce the number of migrants because Singaporeans want to. Jobs will still be created and need to be filled, some where Singaporeans do not have the expertise in. And some where Singaporeans simply do not want to do. Many of us have a diploma or degree and find it beneath us to go into certain sectors, and if we insist that foreigners shouldn’t come in, then someone among us has to want do those jobs.

But I would like to further explain that the government has to take a larger responsibility over policies implemented over the past few decades, and this would also explain why it is necessary that PM Lee forms this committee. The government has to take responsibility for weeding our pride and passion out by the policies that they have instituted. Singaporeans are not proud of the country. We are not passionate. We do not have strong beliefs over what we hope to see Singapore become in the next few years or decades to come. We have been taught to study hard, work hard, get married, have kids, make sure our kids study hard, work hard, get married, have kids, and so forth, and then make lots of money. This is the Singapore mantra. If your life follows this mantra, good for you! You would have lived the Singapore Dream. If you don’t, you seemingly lose your status in society. But it feels empty, doesn’t it? You know that, deep down, after all this paper chase and money making machinery, there is something else, isn’t it? And that’s why in spite of how much money we’ve earned and how many degrees we have, we continue to get angry with the government. You are not doing enough! This leaves the government perplexed for a while. I have given you money. I have given you a good education. What is not enough? Do you want me to donate part of my salary to you as well? Well, perhaps. It doesn’t help that Singaporeans are once again reminded that Singapore’s per capita GDP is one of the highest in the world, yet our salaries doesn’t seem to match up.

And which is why Singaporeans are angry – something doesn’t feel right. You see, my government, Singaporeans do not feel belonged in our country. We do not feel a sense of commitment or attachment to our country, and the government has a role to play in this. In the early years of modern Singapore, in a bid to ensure stability to attract more foreign investments, the government has clamped down on a freedom of speech and expression through the lack of demonstration spaces for open discussions of the government’s policies. If anyone speaks up against government policies, they are seemingly criticising the government and will be dealt with by eliminating their ability to speak up. Singaporeans have thus learnt to not speak up about policies, to not discuss them for fear of the punishment that could be met on them. At the same time, there is heavy censoring of the arts and what can be constituted as art. All these together, thus resulted in Singaporeans who are not able to contribute effectively to discussion on policies that matter to Singapore. In the early days of our modern nation building, this served Singapore well. Many of us were too fixated on making money and having a roof over our heads. We couldn’t care less about what the government wants to do, just as long as money come into our pockets. Gradually, Singaporeans learnt not to think about governmental policies. Gradually, we do not hold opinions about issues that matters. Effectively, the social and political intelligence of Singaporeans became stunted. And this is, in large part, the responsibility of the government.

What the government did not realise then, which they have by now, is that these policies which have silenced criticisms, even if constructive, had also resulted in Singaporeans feeling lesser for Singapore. When you hold no opinions over issues that matter, you learn to lose your passion over what you believe in. You learn not to care, because even if you did care, what could you do about it? Nothing, we feel. And thus, the governmental policies had systematically weeded out passion among Singaporeans. And when there is nothing that you can care about, what is there to be proud of? And thus, inadvertently, pride gradually disappeared among Singaporeans. In its place, the government had put in place a series of rewards and incentives. See, we don’t need you to think, just make money. And here, we will continue giving you money as long as you make even more money for us. And thus, our incessant drive towards making money and placing money as our priorities. Effectively, the government has substituted our pride and passion with money. And for a long time, this worked. It did because we were still climbing up the ladder to become an economically developed country. It worked because we were still dissatisfied with the monetary rewards we were receiving and wanted more. Up until a few years ago.

For some of us, it seemed that we had achieved a standard of living which we were somewhat satisfied in, and yet the government continued to throw money at us, at every elections. The promise of upgrading, of bonuses etc. But something felt amiss. So what if I have all these money? What can I do with them, if somehow I felt that something was missing? I could buy more things to satisfy this inner desire. But why can it not be fulfilled?

In the past few years, as we struggle to understand this, and yet not be able to, we were faced with new challenges. We felt that we were starting to be sidelined. We felt that as Singaporeans, our value as citizens were being diminished and replaced. We had enough of being workers. We didn’t realise it but we wanted to be people – not workers. We didn’t realise it but we had lost our pride and passion and the feeling of being sidelined make us even more upset – we felt that further pride was lost. Deep inside, we knew we weren’t happy about something but we didn’t know what. We think that it is the government and its policies that we weren’t happy about. But there was something else – our pride, our passion. Our voice.

And then we started letting it out, and let it out we did. We created The Online Citizen, Temasek Review, among other alternative websites and we lashed out at the government. Because we thought that it was the government and policies that we were angry about, we lashed out at the government and these policies, and we criticise them to the core. Indeed, there was something else that we had learnt in the government’s early years of exercise of silencing opinions. We’ve learnt to complain – to critique, sometimes destructively. You see, the years of not contributing to the debate towards matters that concerns us have handicapped our abilities to think critically our social and political issues. We were adept at thinking about economic issues and making money but we did not know how to think about complex social issues. We devolved into the art of “complaining”. We started remarking about how the government should be doing this and that, without providing additional solutions. We started being angry and regularly lashed out at the government. With the online medium become more easily accessible, we found our voice again, and while the ruling party couldn’t get their act together with using the online media, we took advantage of the opportunity to unleash our anger. We created waves, but we also spread our negative sentiments. With great power comes great responsibility, but did we know how to handle this responsibility? We might claim that the mainstream media is controlled by the government and thus portrays news in a biased way that favours the government, but we swung the other way and wrote articles that were heavily biased against the government. Two can play this game, we think. Then there can be no end to this “battle”. Fortunately, there are more and more balanced articles being written in both the mainstream and alternative news media in recent times.

There were other things that the government had done, which had also created a populace which lost their sense of social bearings. I will bring out one other aspect – fear. The government has constantly reminded Singaporeans that Singapore is a small country with no hinterland. If you choose the wrong party, the country will collapse. If our economy weakens, the country will fall. If the wrong people govern Singapore, Singapore will render itself irrelevant. The government isn’t necessarily wrong in perpetuating these ideas, but is how they do it in the best interests of Singaporeans? If you do something that we (the government) disagree with, you will be thrown into jail. So, firstly, Singaporeans are reminded of this fear, day in, day out. We are reminded that if we don’t live with fear, our country will fail. We are reminded that if we don’t police ourselves, we will be punished. And thus Singaporeans have learnt to be “kiasu” and to be ashamed of failure. We learn not to be able to deal with things that seemingly don’t go well. We blame ourselves for what is perceived as failure and we blame others, for having witnessed our embarrassment. Inadvertently, we learn to lose the mental resilience to deal with things that arise. Instead of even reaching that stage, we do not give ourselves even the possibility of reaching there. If we do, we label ourselves a failure.

This might have been useful, for the government, to ensure a working population which continues to uphold themselves to high standards and which ensures over-perfection in their standards to prevent loss of face. This was brilliant for the economy to create a steadfastly and seemingly unbendable workforce for the economy, but it was terrible for the people – a people who lose pride in going through the process of learning, of failing, climbing back up and reaching for success. In recent years, the government realises the impact of their policies – which have driven our creativity and innovation. A people who are scared of failing will be less likely to do something differently. What if I fail! Coupled with the loss of pride and passion, our inability or want to be creative and innovative has created a populace which is as strait-laced as their government, and as monotonous and unexciting. We become a homogeneous population, where underlying tensions exist, due to our knowing of something that is lacking, even if we do not understand what it is.

And then more people started coming in, and we began to be aroused. At the same time, the government shifted gears and moved the economy into a knowledge economy. Our brains started being rejuvenated, and we started having brain juices. Now what? We continue to be aware of something missing, but without knowing what it is, we couldn’t comprehend our loss. Our immediate thoughts of unhappiness thus went to whom we think had been oppressing us for so long – this feeling of oppression at least we understand to reside within the government. The government had caught itself in its own conundrum. Over the past few years, things were moving so fast that even for the government, it was too fast to catch up. Shit!

This got the government thinking. This started the government rethinking their priorities and revisiting their policies. The government would have internally acknowledged the flaws of some of their policies which have rendered Singaporeans docile peoples, but with underlying tensions that were threatening to disrupt the social fabric of Singapore. And by their own making, these tensions were starting to boil over. The government realised that because they have stunted Singaporeans’ social and psychological growth, at the expense of economic growth, and removed Singaporeans’ ability to feel pride for Singapore and passion over issues that matter, and also at the same time, redirected our dreams to one of making money, that this has resulted in a nation of people who have become self-absorbed in their monetary pursuits, and focused on stepping over one another to achieve this goal.

My friends, we have become a people where we learn not to give up seats to those in need on the trains. Who says we are not creative? We have learnt to devise ways of not doing so, by pretending to sleep on the trains, even if our heads are propped carefully on our shoulders, we have become so self absorbed on our mobile equipments that we learn not to bother about the person next to us. We have learnt not to move into the train even if the stop we are getting off at is 10 stops away. We have learnt not to give way to cyclists along the pavement. We have learnt not to give way to cyclists on the road. We have learnt to barge our way into the train even before anyone could come out. In fact, we have learnt to exert our new-found voice by asking the government to not erect nursing homes in our backyards, because guess what, we will never grow old, and when we do, we will then exert our voice and ask the government to then erect the nursing homes in our own backyards.

We have become self-centred, distasteful creatures where our idea of social awareness is where other people have to be socially aware of our needs, and where an old lady and an “Ah Lian” has to be filmed arguing over a priority seat before we become scared that the same thing would happen to us, and thus refrain now from sitting at the priority seats. We have learnt to allow fear to rule our decisions, instead of the respect that we have for others, and the awareness that we have for those for one another.

My friends, what have become of us? We pride ourselves as being kind, compassionate and considerate. We would donate money to the aunties and uncles at the MRT stations and when they walk around at the food courts. We learn to donate money to televised charity shows. What are we trying to prove? I don’t know. Are we doing this to redeem for the fact that we are guilty that we know we are hiding the embarrassing bits of ourselves? This is something that we need to think about. What have become of us?

And this is something the government needs to think about. The years of policies instituted to spur the economic growth of Singapore and protect the stability of the ruling party has effectively degraded the social mores of Singaporeans. Singaporeans have forgotten to be proud and passionate. We have forgotten what values that would bind us together, or what values we should hold as people. We have forgotten to how to be happy, with the mindless pursuit of wealth. We have forgotten how to be strong. Slowly, we are realising that we want to be happy. Slowly, we are realising that we want balance in our lives and not to work ourselves through the night, killing all our drives for anything else. Slowly, we are realising. But Singaporeans cannot do this by ourselves.

And the government knows this. Which is why PM Lee has set up this committee to look into social and educational issues and to look into the values that matter. How do we undo certain policies, or institute other policies to help Singaporeans regain a sense of pride? How do we help Singaporeans become more passionate about issues that matter, and to be accepting of failure, so that they can innovate and devise creative solutions together with other Singaporeans to help Singaporeans grow? How do we learn to empathise with one another, to accept differences and diversity, and to learn to respect the needs of others, so that we can have a caring and compassionate society? These are values and motherhood statements that have been spoken many times. But in light of this discussion, my friends, these are very real values and meanings which will make us happier people, to help us lead more fulfilling, rounded and balanced lives.

I look forward to a Singapore where we are able to look out for one another, where we perform actions because we care for the next person next to us, and not because we fear the consequences. I look forward to how we are able to think for others, as well as for ourselves, and find solutions which not only satisfy our needs but also satisfy those of others. I look forward to a Singapore where I can lead a balanced lifestyle, where I have time to find my own happiness. I look forward to a Singapore where the old do not have to continue working in food courts and selling tissue packets, where after the contributions that they have done for Singapore, it is time they take a break to enjoy the beauty of life. And I look forward to a Singapore where we are able to respect those considered less well-off, such as the lower wage workers, the disabled and those who need our support. I look forward to a more equitable Singapore where Singaporeans are valued as people, and where we learn to respect each and everyone on this island, because we have strong self esteems, where we accept the presence of others and their rights and dignity to be.

My fellow Singaporeans, our government cannot do this on our own. Our government is trying. They might not be doing the best that they can at this moment. But they are trying. We can work with them on this. We can help to provide constructive criticisms. We can help to think more positively and to start on our own journey of awareness and self-introspection.

For my government, you really, really need to do a much better job at informing us of what you have done and updating us on your strategies and plans. Singapore has grown to a stage where the people will no longer allow themselves to be read news mindlessly and absorb whatever is said by the mainstream media. We have learnt to be distrustful and skeptics. We need to learn to trust again. And the government needs to learn to trust us again. We need to learn to be honest in our communication with one another and to learn to say it as it is. We need to learn to speak to each other again, and to understand one another again. We need to be there for one another and prop each other up once again.

My fellow Singaporeans, for the sake of ourselves and for the country, we need to find what it means to be who we are and we need to come together to make things work, because we own it to ourselves to make this happen.

Happy National Day once again, my fellow Singaporeans.

“See, first of all, I didn’t know how to manage relationships. I didn’t have any relationship to look to or learn from. I wasn’t taught in school how to manage relationships or handle sexual relations. As a society, we choose to be embarrassed about the very thing that we spring out from. The sad thing is that as teenagers, we go through the same concerns that our youths have – when should I have sex, should I have sex, what should I do if my partner wants sex, how should I insist on condom use if my partner doesn’t want to use a condom, and so on. As teenagers, we think about these things but when we become parents, we choose to forget about these and we choose to allow our youths to be put in harm’s way because we have issues dealing with our own beliefs about sex. We become selfish. We think we have to conform to certain norms – society says we cannot talk about sex and we shouldn’t. My religion says I should not encourage discussion about sex and even if I know that in my youth, I would need information on sexuality issues, I will deny the right of youths to have that because my religion says so. We think we know better, but truth is, we have become influenced by others and we speak what others speak, and what authority speaks because we want to belong and be part of a group. We are scared of being different, sidelined – to become an outcast. And then we start discriminating. Against other ethnicities  nationalities, the elderly etc. It becomes a chronic societal issue.

Why am I sharing this story with you, my fellow Singaporeans. I am gay but being gay doesn’t define me. Being gay is only one aspect of me which I am proud of, yes, but it is not something that makes me who I am. It is definitely something that has enriched me. I had to learn to understand why people choose to look at me differently and sometimes, judge me. I had to learn to understand why people are not able to accept me and the attitudes they hold. It has made me more introspective and more aware, not only of myself, but of others as well, and for the better. I’ve learnt that people judge because they do not know. They see a gay person and that’s all they see. But is it any fault of theirs? Humans process information according to how much they can contain – To understand that a gay person has different aspects of his/her life takes time and most people simply think it’s easier to judge a person as being gay than to understand the person as a whole. And this is why I have decided to share this story. I am like the friend you have, your classmate, neighbour or a family member. And I am gay. Are our lives any different? No. But I am gay, and because of that, you might have certain judgments because you think you should have them, because that’s what others say you should have. I am giving us an opportunity to understand me better.”

Read more here: http://myrighttolove.com/2012/08/22/my-fellow-singaporeans-i-am-roy-i-am-gay-and-this-is-my-story/

Dear Tianwei,

Firstly, I would like to congratulate and thank you for winning the Olympic bronze medal for Singapore.

As a Singaporean, I am very grateful for what you have done and what many of us couldn’t have done. You had the grit, belief and courage to stand on a world stage and go where not many of us have gone before – and bring back an Olympic medal for Singapore.

This is only the 2nd singles medal that Singapore has ever won, and the 3rd medal ever, and the plain truth is we would not have been able to achieve this without you, not perhaps in another 10, 20 or 30 years, after our programme to train more local talent bears fruit. You have once again represented the hope that Singapore has in achieving pride on the international arena, as you and your team mates had in the last Olympic Games.

Thank you, Tianwei.

When Malaysia’s Lee Chong Wei won a silver medal in the badminton single’s finals yesterday, Malaysians rallied behind him and Malaysians cheered him on. They patted him on the back when he won the silver medal and showed their continuous support even if he had not won the gold medal. Because he dared to dream and he dreamt for Malaysians. And the Malaysians dreamt with him. Because they stood together as one people, with pride.

So, many have said that you are not born in Singapore and because of this, we cannot be proud of you. Because they say, you wouldn’t be proud of representing us. I’m really sorry that it has to come to this.

You had dared to dream for us, but we had forgotten how to dream.

But do we have the right to take personal attacks, or make snide remarks at you? Truth is, it’s not about you. The debate, at this point, isn’t really about you. You, like many other foreigners who have contributed greatly to Singapore – some of whom are now Singaporeans like you – have become a symbol and a pawn for our unhappiness towards how we think we’ve been unfairly treated by the government. Singaporeans are unhappy not because of you. Singaporeans have learnt not to be happy, because we have learnt to.

For a long time, we’ve been unhappy but we’ve not learnt to speak up. And now that we are beginning to find our voice, we’ve learnt to voice our anger and displeasure. Because that’s what we remember. Or choose to remember – anger.

Tianwei, I would like to apologise on behalf of Singaporeans who choose to get angry at you when they shouldn’t. Their anger was transferred onto you because they felt that they felt that if their anger towards the government wasn’t being responded to, they would then get angry at the people that they feel the government was favoring over them.

I’ve been rethinking about my thoughts about my government for the past two weeks again. My government might not have done some things as well as they could – they could help the poor and the elderly achieve a more respectable lifestyle. They could devise policies to ensure real wages respond more adequately to inflation. They could ensure transport and housing policies respond to the rise in population faster. In these areas, yes, they didn’t do as well.

But I’ve also been thinking and learning to appreciate once again that there are some things that they have done well – they have given us a standard of living that is financially more sustainable than many others, they have ensured that we can walk around at night safely and freely. Yes, I still think they can allow us to have more freedom to express ourselves and speak up for what we believe in. But with great power comes great responsibility. We’ve learnt to speak up online but we’ve equally learnt to abuse it. Perhaps it’s no wonder why the government is threading very carefully with regards to whether they should open up in this area – because of the implications of how we might only cause further rifts among ourselves.

See, Singaporeans have learnt to be angry and unhappy over the many years where we’d felt that the government wasn’t responding. And perhaps sometimes the government wasn’t. And sometimes the government was. But if anything, the government has also forgotten to explain to us what they are doing adequately. And which is why Singaporeans feel that they’ve been kept in the dark, that their concerns are not being met, that they’ve not been heard.

I cannot be sure if the government has finally heard us, but I would like to give them one more chance to make it better, not right – because we are kidding ourselves if we think Singapore is not good enough.

But the government has to learn to explain better what it’s doing. The government needs to look at their governing principles again and live up to these principles. The government has to believe again. It’s no secret that the government has looked at economic growth and prosperity as the highest priority for Singapore but with our knowledge economy and a more educated population which has a achieved a higher attainment of living, thanks as well to the government, it does mean that the government would need to also shift their focus on to the social and psychological well being and welfare of Singaporeans.

I know the government has realized this. And I know the government is responding. But is the government not responding fast enough or is the government not explaining well enough? The government has to ask this of themselves. And if the government is not explaining well enough, perhaps it’s about being more transparent in the communication. Perhaps it’s not just about using The Straits Times to say what they want us to hear but to say how things really are, so that we can learn to trust them again.

But for now, Singaporeans will still be angry. They have to. Firstly, we don’t understand or know if the government is responding. Because the government isn’t sure how to let us know, without making us feel offended even further, as well. Secondly, the years of accumulated anger is finally being let out with our new found voice through the online medium and it has sparked an emotion within that many do not know how to rein in responsibly. And thirdly, we do not seem to know how to respond positively to our negative emotions but have learnt to express them through our frustrations and misplaced anger.

And thus we have learnt to get angry at you, Tianwei. Even if we have disagreeing viewpoints, we can still express them in non-personal ways. So I am very sorry.

The state of Singapore is both the responsibility of my government and my people. We’ve learnt not to communicate over the past few years and we’ve lost sight of each other’s priorities. We’ve become like a bickering couple who haven’t been talking to each other and have learnt only to misunderstand each other. We’ve learnt to sleep in different rooms in the same house only to erupt now into anger because one doesn’t understand the other. Because we’ve closed off our communication channels and stopped talking to each other even if we are sleeping under the same roof.

And now we’ve learnt to communicate with each other through Facebook and through blogging, but instead of hearing each other, one has been quick to anger and the other has been slow to respond.

And then we’d welcome you to our humble abode. But like any couple who have forgotten how to show respect and understanding towards each other, we’ve forgotten and have learnt also to show anger to those whom we had used to welcome with open arms – when we were then also welcomed into this home, with open arms.

Now anyone who comes in is screamed at, kicked at and passed over. What right do you have to come into my home, when I don’t even feel at home? When I don’t even feel that this is my home? Sure, one pays the bills and the other feels stifled. The bickering couple who refused to divorce – because we can’t. Because we rely on one another. Because there’s still a sense that we’ve built this place together and we both still want a part of it.

And then we invite you in and because we no longer talk to each other, we talk to others. But when one invites someone else in, the other views with suspicions. And then hostility and aggression. And thus we berate you when who we truly want to scoff at is our partner.

But do things need to be this way? Can the couple learn to love again? Can we learn to respect and understand each other again? Can the government learn to listen and can we have the patience to hear them out?

Can we learn to talk again, and be honest with one another?

And truth is, we can. I don’t remember when we learnt to stopped trusting each other. But we need to learn to trust again. Otherwise we will continue to live with each other with suspicion and anyone whom we welcome into our home, with disdain and fear. Even when sometimes our friends from overseas who visit us come with good news and good tidings.

Even when sometimes, our friends, like you, Tianwei, come into Singapore and become a member of our family, come and win an Olympic medal for us. Even when you do something that we hadn’t been able to do for so long and rightfully, we should be so proud, and so happy for you, and for ourselves.

But truth is, we’ve forgotten how to be proud of ourselves. We’ve forgotten how to be happy. We’ve learnt only to grow angry and instead of look within ourselves for happiness, we’ve learnt to look outside to blame for our anger.

My dear Singaporeans, this coming national day or for the new year and many to come, do you want to continue to be unhappy for the rest of your existence or do you want to perhaps, stop and ask ourselves why we are unhappy? And if so, can we learn to be happy again? And even if we are no longer speaking to our partner or that we don’t trust our partner, can we start to perhaps try to understand each other and try to learn to find the respect that we used to have for each other, again?

Can we learn to remember that this is a home we and our parents and their parents have built together? But we do! But instead of bickering and being over zealous, can we put our egos aside and recognize that all of us actually want the same for each other – for the betterment of Singapore? What are we all really trying for? For a country where we respect those who have it the worst but whom we will still care for, for the elderly who have given what they had to Singapore and should be given time to rest and appreciate the tills of their hard work, for a Singapore which prides meritocracy, yes, but one who also respects the equality for each of us to be.

And we can. But in this chapter, in this home of ours, can we start afresh and anew? Can we forget our past unhappiness and look to forge a new consciousness? Can we learn to invigorate this new found passion and strength with positivity and unity? Can we come together and share our views to work towards a common direction? Can we?

For Singapore and Singaporeans to have come this far to where we are, we have only ourselves to thank, and the government to thank. But it wouldn’t have been possible if either one of us were not in the picture. Singapore is where we are because we forged a common consensus based on common belief, because we held on to each other even when times were tough.

And now, in this new chapter, we’ve come to a point when we need to have a new understanding towards one another, where we’ve moved on to new and different chapters in our life, where we’ve learnt to appreciate other aspects of our lives, and of others, which we’ve never had to before. And in this new chapter, we are still learning of each other’s needs, new found beliefs and reenergised passion. Here, we are at another turning point in our nation’s history where we decide how we want to chart our path. The government needs us to work with them, just as we need the government to work with us.

Here, in this new chapter, we have a chance to make things better, a chance to make things perfect. Here, we can choose to work with each other, have a new appreciation of each other to be able to achieve the dreams that each of us want, together. We can do this if we believe, trust and use our new found passion to build new connections.

We can, my fellow Singaporeans. We can. I yearn to see the day when we will be there for one another, regardless of who he or she might be. Where, because of the respect and understanding I have for you, I will cheer you on and walk alongside you, because I know that you will be there for me, and put a supporting arm around me as well. I yearn for the day when we will create solutions for the betterment of all of us, whether you are considered less well-off, young or old, whatever your colour or beliefs you choose to hold, whether you choose a life that is different from another. I yearn and I know the day will come when we can finally hold the hand of our partner and say again, thank you for the trust and respect you have for me. Thank you for making this place a better place where we can live at ease, in happiness and in the beauty of one another.

And when the day comes when we win another Olympic medal that we will cheer each other on, with pride, passion and belief.

And as one.

Roy