The Real Our National Conversation

Primed Minister: OK, everyone. Last election, some people didn’t vote for us because they said that we weren’t listening. What should we do?

Heng Jin Swee: Pretend to listen?

Primed Minister: Heng ah, jin swee. Good idea! How should we do that?

Heng Jin Swee: We can pretend to hold a nationwide conversation? We talk, they listen?

Primed Minister: Good. I put you in charge.

Heng Jin Swee: By the way, Primed, people want an education reform. What should I do?

Primed Minister: What do they want to reform?

Heng Jin Swee: They say that the exams are giving their children stress, and that the education system is too competitive and elitist. They want to overhaul the system.

Primed Minister: Why are you letting them dictate what you should do? You dictate how they should think.

Heng Jin Swee: How to, Supreme Leader?

Primed Minister: Narrow down the problem.

Heng Jin Swee: So instead of talking about the whole education system, I focus only on one aspect? Like the PSLE?

Primed Minister: Good. That’s it. Clever boy.

Heng Jin Swee: But they are saying they want to remove the PSLE.

Primed Minister: Narrow down the problem.

Heng Jin Swee: Hmm… I will tell them instead of removing the PSLE, we change how it is scored?

Primed Minister: Good. Smart boy. See, now there’s no problem. Let me include this in my rally. Then at least we can still keep our top schools for our own children.

Jin Chuan: Primed, I’m breathless!

Primed Minister: Of course you are breathless. Your name is Jin Chuan. What are you talking about?

Jin Chuan: I mean, I’ve been running around consulting the people but they say I’m not listening.

Primed Minister: When is it our job to listen to the people? Haven’t you learnt from Heng Jin Swee? We talk. People listen.

Jin Chuan: So, I’m doing a bad job?

Primed Minister: Then you can continue acting.

Kim Yong Un: Supreme Leader Primed, the people want us to increase what we pay for their healthcare. How?

Primed Minister: When do we ever pay for people’s healthcare?

Kim Yong Un: Never?

Primed Minister: Smart. So what should we do?

Kim Yong Un: Make them pay for themselves?

Primed Minister: Go on.

Kim Yong Un: So, we will tell them we will increase our spending, but make them pay for it?

Primed Minister: Correct. But remember, always ask them to pay more than what we increase.

Kim Yong Un: But won’t people know our ploy?

Primed Minister: That’s why we break up the increases. Increase premiums. Increase contribution rates. So they look like small little increases. But it adds up to a lot.

Kim Yong Un: But people are saying the old are paying too much for their premiums. What should we do? Should we tax the rich more?

Primed Minister: Are you stupid? Do you want to tax ourselves more? Never ask the rich to pay for the poor. Ask the young to pay for the old. Increase GST – it will hurt the poor more.

Kim Yong Un: You are so wise, Supreme Leader.

Primed Minister: Of course.

Kim Yong Un: How will you tell people that we will pay for them, even if we won’t?

Primed Minister: Leave that to me at the rally. I will shed a tear.

Kim Yong Un: Will that be enough?

Primed Minister: Don’t worry. There’s still my deputy. I will ask him to tell the people that we will pay for them. He has to do what we want anyway.

Heng Jin Swee: Supreme Leader, then how do you plan to win the next election?

Primed Minister: I will hold the next election in 2015, during our country’s 50th anniversary.

Heng Jin Swee: Why?

Primed Minister: If we can make people happy, they will forget all their problems. Then we go in quickly to get them to vote for us, before they get angry again.

Heng Jin Swee: How do you want to make them happy?

Primed Minister: Make 30 hours of documentaries to brainwash them. Remember, we talk. They listen.

Heng Jin Swee: So wise, Supreme Leader.

Primed Minister: Since you have been so obedient, I will let you be the head of this project. And if you do it well, you can be the next interim Primed Minister.

Heng Jin Swee: What about your deputy?

Primed Minister: If he become Primed, then who will become my next dress-up President? Who will keep quiet for me? Do you remember Tok Ghong and Tony?

Heng Ji Swee: Ah… But why will I only be the interim?

Primed Minister: That’s family business. Do what Lee tell you to do and don’t ask a single question.


  1. Mike Zeng

    I agree 100%……next GE will be 2 years hence: 2015 and not 2016. Could be Dec 2015 for the reason you gave and then some. Take note WP, NSP, SDP, RP!

  2. reddotsg

    “The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum….”
    ― Noam Chomsky, The Common Good

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