Love often knocks at your door at the most unexpected times. Sometimes, it may even come knocking after you’re married to someone else. Being married but in love with someone else can be one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face.
Learn all about what signs to look for and why this happens.
Is It Normal?
Surprisingly enough, it is quite common for people who are married or in a committed relationship to find themselves attracted to someone else.
But, the good news is that it does not necessarily need to end up in a divorce and two people being bitter and angry. You can always make the choice to not pursue these feelings and stay committed to your partner, communicate, and work things out.
10 Common Reasons For Married But In Love With Someone Else
#1. Falling Out Of Love
You respect and value your spouse, but the romantic flame has fizzled. It may not always mean that you don’t love your spouse, but it is often a common sign that there is no spark in your relationship anymore.
#2. Lack Of Communication
Whether it’s the everyday hustle and busy lives, excessive work hours, or any other circumstances, many things can affect your communication with your spouse. And when that sincere and open communication is gone, it doesn’t take too long for the love to disappear.
#3. Lack Of Balance In Your Married Life
Relationships take a lot of work. Sometimes, with children, careers, and personal commitments, your married life takes a backseat. It’s easy to then get distracted by someone new.
#4. Feeling Alone While In A Relationship
When you or your spouse are constantly absent and you two are no longer communicating, resentment and loneliness can build up. It’s the beginning of the end of a relationship.
#5. Feeling Like You’re Not Enough
Not feeling like an equal in a relationship can be another reason for falling out of love with your spouse. More often than not, this causes one to look for someone else who shows an interest in you.
#6. Searching For Validation
When you feel unseen, undervalued, or unappreciated by your spouse but are getting compliments and support from someone else, it’s easy to fall in love with that person.
#7. To Cope With Existing Marital Problems
Ideally, you don’t deal with your current marital struggles by creating another problem — by falling in love with someone new.
But, understandably, different people cope with their problems differently. Receiving comfort from someone can be a welcoming relief to anybody going through a hard time.
#8. Lack Of Intimacy And Sexual Satisfaction
When you and your spouse no longer have that comfort and love in your bedroom, you may look for other options that can fulfill this need. It is not right, but it happens.
#9. Lack Of Effort To Make The Relationship Work
When your marriage is on the rocks, but you or your better half are not putting in the work to make your relationship work and resolve your issues, either of you can feel tired and look for someone new.
#10. The Need To Discover Yourself
Ideally, your spouse and your relationship should bring out the best version of yourself, but this is not always the case. If you feel like you’re held back from growing as a person, you may find yourself falling for someone who helps you grow.
10 Signs You Are Married But In Love With Someone Else
#1. You Don’t Want To Spend Time With Your Spouse.
You’ll willingly do overtime and work during weekends to reduce the amount of time you spend with your better half. Your partner may have repeatedly mentioned that you are never around.
But, you don’t want to be in the same space with your husband or wife and instead find yourself looking for excuses to spend more time with someone else.
#2. Everything About Your Spouse Annoys You.
At the beginning of your relationship, you found your husband’s snoring adorable or your wife’s frequent text messages endearing. You loved, appreciated, and accepted the flaws as much as you enjoyed their good qualities.
Now, their every message, every conversation, every action annoys you. Irrelevant things that were no big deal back then turn into a fight now.
Instead, someone else has become endearing — this is a major red flag that you are in love with someone else and not your spouse.
#3. You Spend Time With Everybody Except Your Spouse.
You find yourself spending less time with your spouse and find yourself making time for the person to whom you are attracted.
You make an extra effort to work out schedules with this person and ensure that you accidentally bump into them around the neighborhood or during lunch hours if you work for the same organization.
#4. You Start Sharing Your Marital Problems.
Sharing your marital problems with your trusted family members or close friends is normal. It helps unburden yourself and get a different perspective on your situation.
Confiding in people you trust is expected, but it is not okay to start sharing your marital issues with the person to whom you’re attracted. If you feel like nobody will understand your feelings better than this person, you’re unconsciously involving this person in your marriage.
#5. Changing Into A Different Person.
It starts with small things. For example, the person whom you think you’re in love with complemented that blue looks good on you, so you start wearing that color more often. Or that person seems to like your hair in curls rather than straight, so you end up curling your hair every day or getting a perm.
You transition from physical changes to more significant changes, including your personality, to make yourself more endearing and attractive to the other person you are taking a particular interest in.
You are not doing this for your spouse. You couldn’t care less what your spouse thinks or feels about these changes because the approval of this new person is what ultimately matters to you.
#6. You Never Talk About This New Person At Home.
Your spouse knows your friends and colleagues; you talk about them often. But you’ve kept mum about this new person and deliberately avoided talking about them at home, especially if your spouse is present.
Your spouse does not need to know about every single person you talk to. But, if you’re intentionally hiding the existence of this new person in your life, it is a major warning sign. Other behaviors related to this sign include changing this person’s name on your phone, not following each other on social media, or having code names for each other.
#7. Your World Starts To Revolve Around This New Person.
One of the most significant signs that you are in love with someone else while married is that this new person has started invading your thoughts and emotions. Even when you are with your husband or wife, you are still thinking about this other person.
And these thoughts need not always be purely romantic. But, if your mind is constantly geared toward this person, it indicates that you are more invested in them.
#8. Arguing Is How You Communicate With Your Spouse Now.
You rarely talk with your spouse anymore. A simple conversation almost always ends up in an argument. Every little thing becomes a trigger for misunderstanding and fights. All couples go through rough patches, but you know that this is different.
These arguments and fights are your way of releasing your frustration and of finding someone to blame for the guilt and confusion that you are feeling about this other person. Even after your argument, you make no effort to make it right and allow the ill feelings and resentment to pile up. It’s a recipe for disaster.
#9. You Feel Happier With The Other Person.
You have a new routine now. After every argument with your spouse, be it a small tiff or an explosive fight, you seek comfort and company with this other person.
In this new support system, you find temporary relief from the mess in your home. Not even your kids, if you have any, will make you choose to stay longer at home than needed. You have become emotionally dependent on this new love interest and find security and comfort in them.
#10. You Imagine A New And Better Life, Without Your Spouse.
You are ready for change and find yourself daydreaming about a new future without your spouse. You anticipate the idea of going on new adventures and starting a new life with this new person you love.
This imagined life together has become an escape from your reality.
What Should You Do?
#1. If Your Partner Is In Love With Someone Else
If you’ve found your partner is in love with someone else, your first need to get some space from them. Panic can cause us to make illogical and rash decisions. You need to give yourself some time to process the situation and take the appropriate steps.
Now more than ever, an honest and sincere conversation is crucial. If this is a dealbreaker for you, inform your spouse and get the divorce proceedings started. If you’re willing to give them another chance and your spouse also wants to work on your marriage, the next step should be marriage counseling.
It will help provide both of you with a safe space to discuss your problems and find constructive and valuable ways to resolve them to create a healthy relationship.
#2. If You Are In Love With Someone Else
This is a dilemma for you, but only you can decide your next steps.
Do you want to stay married to your spouse or are your feeling for this new person too spring to be ignored? Do you think there is a future with this new person and is it worth blowing up your marriage for?
Take some time to think and have an open and sincere talk with your spouse to get everything out on the table and find ways to move forward.