According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, love and belonging is pretty foundational. We can get that from friends and family, but for many of us romantic love is also important. When that’s lacking in our lives, we feel incomplete.
It’s perfectly normal to go long periods without a romantic partner, but if you simply can’t find love maybe you need a change. Start with these tips for folks who can’t find love.
Take a Good Look in the Mirror
One of the first and most important steps in finding love is truly understanding yourself, or taking a good long look in the mirror. What parts of you are attractive? Do you have a good build? Do you remind people of a big and cuddly teddy bear? Are you charming, witty, fun to be around, or just plain interesting?
What about the bad attributes that you may have? Do you lack good hygiene practices? Do you tend to be cruel or vindictive towards others? Do you often find yourself putting yourself down for things that you may or may not have much control over?
There’s also the question of what you need in a relationship. As a minor example, you could say that you’re amazing at doing the upkeep of a house, but you struggle with cooking and grocery shopping. Therefore you may need someone good at those things in your relationship.
By taking the time to look at yourself and ask what qualities you can bring into the relationship as well as what you may want to find in a partner you can greatly increase the chance of finding love for yourself.
Improve Your Hygiene Habits
One major thing that could be preventing you from finding love is a lack of good hygiene skills. As an adult, you may assume that your hygiene is just fine, but the reality is you could be seriously lacking in that department.
Consider how often you shower. As an adult, the smallest amount you should shower to wash your body is every 2-3 days. Ideally, you should be showering every single day with a gentle bar soap or body wash and then exfoliating every 2 to 3 days to keep yourself from smelling bad.
Also, consider picking up a really good shampoo and conditioner. Remember you’re not a child anymore and those 3 in ones, although they may be convenient, just aren’t going to cut it anymore. If you are unsure of what kinds to buy, go to a salon, or other reputable store and ask for suggestions based on your skin and hair type.
Update That Wardrobe
Be honest, when was the last time you went out and bought yourself some clothes? Does your wardrobe consist of mostly graphic tees, and ill-fitting pants that you’ve managed to keep around since you were still in school? Of course, they may still be perfectly fine to wear, however, it’s important to remember that as you grow as a person your wardrobe should grow with you.
Next time you’re out take a look at the people around you and take notice of the way they dress. Although you don’t have to follow any exact trends you may be able to find inspiration that can help you update your wardrobe.
Pick up Some New Hobbies
If you find the issue with finding love is something along the lines of lack of interesting qualities, one of the best ways you can fix that is to pick up some new hobbies. By picking up new hobbies you will not only find more ways to make yourself interesting, but by joining local groups and guilds that focus on these hobbies you will also be able to increase your chances of meeting others and increase your chances of finding love.
Go Out and Look for it
You may have heard the saying “Love finds whoever isn’t looking for it” at least once or twice, but it’s not exactly sound advice. After all, many people misconstrue it to mean that you don’t have to go looking for love to find it, but there’s a better way to phrase this. “You can find love where you least expect it.” Go out into the world and look for love wherever you can find it. Check out dating apps like the Hily app, join local meetups, or just talk to people around you. You may not find love in the most conventional places but you’ll never find it if you aren’t looking around for it.
Go Where You’ll Find Others With Similar Interests
If you want to enter a romantic relationship with anyone the best place to go is somewhere where other people will have similar interests as you do. If you are into animals you may have the best luck with finding love at the zoo or by volunteering at an animal shelter.
Or if you happen to enjoy a certain television series you can see about finding meetups in your area that are based around that series. By finding others who are interested in the same things you are, you will find that it will be easier to speak with them and make connections as well.
Improve Your Attitude
Nobody wants to be in a relationship with anyone who has a negative viewpoint of life. If you find yourself constantly seeing the glass as half empty or find that others tend to refer to your presence as an unpleasant one, the best thing you can do is to simply improve your attitude.
Smile more, don’t be afraid to compliment yourself and others, and above all allow yourself to look and feel positively whenever you want to. It’s ok to be happy, and it’s ok to show that good attitude to those around you.
Final: Look for a Connection, Not an Attraction
It’s easy to get caught up in sexual attraction, especially when you get to the point that you feel as if any sort of romance is going to be a miracle. However, attraction is not always a good connection. More often than not once you get over that initial attraction you’ll find that the relationship you are in is less than fulfilling and you may end up breaking it off and starting the process all over again.
Look for someone you can truly connect with, someone who you enjoy being around. By doing this you will find that attraction is only a small portion of the equation to love.